This week in our class we read a talk given by Elder Dallin H. Oaks titled "Divorce". There were a few things said about marriage that I really loved.
In speaking of marriage problems he said, "the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation."
This wasn't something on my mind, but every one that's married has marriage problems. It's the nature of the beast. (Marriage can be a beast sometimes, but it's mostly a beauty).
Repentance. Without it, our marriages won't survive. We must recognize our wrongs and seek to do better.
Selfishness. Marriage is all about putting our spouse's needs above our own. It goes against everything the natural man is, but unselfishness is imperative.
Reformation. The definition of reformation is "the act or process of improving something or someone by removing or correcting faults, problems, etc." I find this so fascinating because marriage isn't about reformation of spouse, although sometimes that's what we want to do. It works when there is reformation of ourselves. Marriage is a process in which we see our faults through our own eyes or through the loving input of our spouse, and then we work to remove or correct them.
Elder Oaks said, "under the law of the Lord, a marriage, like a human life, is a precious, living thing. If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again. The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us."
What a beautiful analogy. I am in a mode right now of taking care of my body. I am seeing signs of wear and tear. I don't want it to wear out early. I want to eat the foods that will keep me healthy and I want to exercise to keep my body strong. I want my body to sustain me and do everything I want it to do for every day that I live. The same should be true with our marriages. We need to feed it and take care of it so it lasts, and not just for this life. . . for eternity. It is an eternal, living thing.
One last thought from Elder Oaks. He gave a list, and I love lists. My brain thrives on lists.
"To avoid so-called 'incompatibility'":
Be best friends
Be kind and considerate
Be sensitive to each other's needs
Always seek to make each other happy
Be partners in family finances
Work together to regulate desires for temporal things
I like this list. It's so simple yet so complex, so difficult yet so joyful. President Kimball said it best: "Two individuals approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy marriage which they hope for they must know that marriage . . . means sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction of some personal liberties. It means long, hard economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service burdens, care and worry burdens; but also it means the deepest and sweetest emotions of all."
I agree President Kimball, and I know I don't even understand a fraction of any of it yet.
This wasn't something on my mind, but every one that's married has marriage problems. It's the nature of the beast. (Marriage can be a beast sometimes, but it's mostly a beauty).
Repentance. Without it, our marriages won't survive. We must recognize our wrongs and seek to do better.
Selfishness. Marriage is all about putting our spouse's needs above our own. It goes against everything the natural man is, but unselfishness is imperative.
Reformation. The definition of reformation is "the act or process of improving something or someone by removing or correcting faults, problems, etc." I find this so fascinating because marriage isn't about reformation of spouse, although sometimes that's what we want to do. It works when there is reformation of ourselves. Marriage is a process in which we see our faults through our own eyes or through the loving input of our spouse, and then we work to remove or correct them.
Elder Oaks said, "under the law of the Lord, a marriage, like a human life, is a precious, living thing. If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again. The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us."
What a beautiful analogy. I am in a mode right now of taking care of my body. I am seeing signs of wear and tear. I don't want it to wear out early. I want to eat the foods that will keep me healthy and I want to exercise to keep my body strong. I want my body to sustain me and do everything I want it to do for every day that I live. The same should be true with our marriages. We need to feed it and take care of it so it lasts, and not just for this life. . . for eternity. It is an eternal, living thing.
One last thought from Elder Oaks. He gave a list, and I love lists. My brain thrives on lists.
"To avoid so-called 'incompatibility'":
Be best friends
Be kind and considerate
Be sensitive to each other's needs
Always seek to make each other happy
Be partners in family finances
Work together to regulate desires for temporal things
I like this list. It's so simple yet so complex, so difficult yet so joyful. President Kimball said it best: "Two individuals approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy marriage which they hope for they must know that marriage . . . means sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction of some personal liberties. It means long, hard economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service burdens, care and worry burdens; but also it means the deepest and sweetest emotions of all."
I agree President Kimball, and I know I don't even understand a fraction of any of it yet.
