I've created this blog as part of a project for a class I'm taking. I have a love/hate relationship with writing. I struggle with perfectionism in my writing, especially when I know others are going to be reading it. I am tempted to not invite anyone to read this, but that wouldn't be counted as a diligent effort for my project. I hate that it takes me so long to get thoughts out of my brain and onto "paper", but I love what I feel when I go back and read what really is going on in my head. It is fulfilling and validating, and through this process, I realize much about who I am; I find healing and motivation.
I've named this blog Breathe. Pray. Rejoice. I could easily add a "repeat" at the end there. Whatever we do as mothers, we repeat. Over and over and over again. I struggle in that process of repition. As I reflected on what it is that helps me most to keep going each and every day, these three words were brought to my mind: breathe, pray, and rejoice.
Breathe.
Some days I have to remind myself to breath. Some days I breathe too much. Aaron says it sounds a lot like sighing, but really I am just willing breath and patience down deep into my weary soul.
I learned this lesson the hard way just yesterday...and the day before and the day before that. Like I said, repetition is the theme of motherhood. I have lots of regrets, but I am trying to keep them to a minimum. For me, breathing is an essential element to patience.
Prayer.
In Alma 34, Amulek, the loyal friend and missionary companion of Alma the Younger, gives a wonderful sermon on prayer. He gives us a list of things to pray about and then he says, "...when you do not cry unto the Lord, let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those who are around you." In other words, have a prayer in your heart every minute of every day that your kids survive another day and you don't get thrown in jail for beating them. I don't think that's really what he meant, but somedays it's what I pray for.
I truly do have a testimony of prayer. I know that Motherhood is a partnership with God. He wants us to succeed at this noble calling, and He will not leave us alone. These are His children too. We can call upon the great powers of heaven through humble prayer in behalf of our children.
President Harold B. Lee said, "I say to you mothers, if you ever have sons and daughters who amount to what they should in the world, it will be in no small degree due to the fact that your children have a mother who spends many nights on her knees in prayer, praying God that her son, her daughter, will not fail.
Rejoice.
When I was on my mission, every time we would knock doors, I would sing the hymn "Now Let Us Rejoice" in my mind. I have no idea why. I don't remember if it was conscious decision or not, but I chose that song for a fireside recently, and memories of my days as a missionary came back to me as they often do when I hear this tune. As I pondered this, I thought that my mission was much like motherhood. It was repetition and a lot of rejection. It was me pouring my heart and soul into my work with what seemed like not much reciprocation. Maybe somewhere deep in my subconscious, I started singing this song of joy to combat the feelings of discouragement that sometimes came with that difficult work.
I struggle to find joy in motherhood. I have to work for the joy like I'm sure many do. It takes an effort of gratitude. When I start to list my blessings, they aren't hard to think of, they come freely and quickly. I am blessed to be a mother. I am blessed to know what I know and have what I have. Rejoice is a verb, and I feel that we must act to find joy. I used to have a saying in my bathroom that said, "Happiness is not a destination, but a way of getting there." The same could be said of joy. We must rejoice along the journey, and we will find that a lasting, eternal joy will be ours.
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