This semester I am taking a religion class entitled, "The Eternal Family". While there have been frustrating things about the class organizationally, the content of the class has been amazing. I thought I understood the importance of an eternal family in our Heavenly Father's plan, but I have realized that I've really never grasped it fully. I'm sure, in an eternal perspective, my mind has only scratched the surface.
One thing that has constantly been on my mind throughout the past twelve weeks, is why were we not taught more about these important truths as youth? I wonder if the family would have been emphasized more or if it would've been taught in a different way if it would have made a difference in my understanding and some of my choices.
The Family Proclamation was first presented the beginning of my senior year in high school. It is truly a document for our day. I'm sure it meant a lot then and was needed, but the proclamation made clear who we are and what we stand for when it comes to the family. I am grateful to have it to be able to teach my boys the eternal truths contained within.
Something that has been on my mind so much lately is modesty. I remember the first time I saw modesty differently...I saw it as a mother of boys. They were very young boys at the time, and they still are, but the comment one of my boys made brought the startling realization that very soon the way girls dressed would very much affect them. I have thought about this so much throughout the course of this class. If youth truly understood the importance of families. . . of their own future, eternal family. . . would they dress differently or encourage the opposite sex to dress differently? I don't know the answer. I try and put myself back in my 16 year old mind. Would I have dressed differently if I really understood? I don't know the answer to that. I would hope so, though! There is so much on the line, and I feel an incredible urgency for my boys to understand that. I want all the girls that my boys will associate with to understand it!
Julie B. Beck gave a talk entitled, "Teaching the Doctrine of the Family". It is full of wonderful information about teaching these important truths to our youth. I want to document a couple of paragraphs from her talk.
"As I've met with young single adults around the world, I ask these questions: Why does the First Presidency care so much about the youth of the Church, and why do they invest so much? In their focus groups and their firesides, these are the answers I get, and you should be interested in these answers. You might ask your own students these questions. They say: "Well, we are the future Church leaders." "Education is the key to success." "We need training so we can stay strong." "Our testimonies are strengthened in our classes." "We need to meet other great Latter-day Saint youth." "We are the hope of the future." One said, "We appreciate it." Another one said, "Well, they spend so much money on us because we're worth it."
"I was very interest in those answers. You have to know that after pushing hard and receiving response after response, I have rarely heard, "So I will someday be a better father, or a better mother, or a better family leader." Family is rarely on their minds. Their responses are generally about self, and of course we know this is the time of life they're in. They're living in a very self-interested time of life, but they aren't thinking about the family."
This is interesting to me, and really has made me aware of a problem. It's a problem that I feel I had and didn't even know, and it's a problem that I want to find a solution for it. Although all youth go through a time of "me, me, me", I feel there must be a way to teach them that even though it seems like "me, me, me" now, they are part of an important and eternal "we, we, we", all the way home. . . LOL!! To an eternal home that is, and every choice, especially those choices in their youth will be part of and shape their eternity.
Modesty is only one issue that could be discussed with this topic, but it is an example of something that a young woman doesn't think too much of. She easily justifies herself and asks, is it really that big of a deal? There was a time when I would have answered no to that question, but Yes! It is a big deal. Because one day you will be a mother. You will have children and you will want to teach them to do what God asks because they love Him and want to please Him. It is a big deal because an innocent thing like wearing a skirt that shows a little more of your sexy legs than is appropriate can put your future, eternal family in danger. That family is your key to pure joy and your only way to exaltation.
Sister Beck said, "This generation will be called upon to defend the doctrine of the family as never before in the history of the world. If they don't know it, they can't defend it." I have only a tiny sphere of influence in this world. There are only three little people I directly influence each day, and sometimes I wonder if anything is even sinking in. But one thing I know, I will teach those three little people how important our eternal family is, and how important their future, eternal families are. I want them to know that one day they will be fathers, and it will be the hardest and the greatest thing they will ever do! I will teach them that everything they are learning and becoming is going to make a difference in their future, eternal family and every single little choice they make in the coming years will make that family stronger or weaker. As parents we always want our kids to be better than we were. I am truly grateful for the things I am learning and tools like the Family Proclamation so that I can make that hope become a reality.
Sunday, July 10, 2016
Summertime Blessings
It's summer around here. No school. . . For my kids anyway. If I'm being completely honest, I was terrified for this summer to come. I was not excited for my kids to be home. They were already fighting and they were only spending a couple hours together each day. What was it going to be like when they were together ALL DAY?! Not to mention, I have so much work right now including lots of reading and writing. Have you ever tried to write an essay or read while world war three happens over the railing behind you? Not easy. And as long as I'm complaining, I have one quickly nearing teenage years and even more quickly developing a teenage attitude. How was I going to deal with that mouth all day everyday? I was already feeling like a failure a couple hours a day when they were around. Summer was bound to highlight every one of my motherly imperfections.
Last week, about 14 days in to this dreaded vacation, a miracle happened. We were finishing up breakfast. There was milk splattered and cereal smashed on the floor. I looked at the three of them and my heart swelled with love for each of them. A couple days later, they reluctantly, with a bit of grumbling, worked through their list of jobs before pulling out the electronics. I felt a surge of gratitude to be able to spend these moments with them and teach them and love them. I noticed little moments like these here and there. I wondered in awe what was different because certainly their attitudes weren't. I thought that someone must be praying for me. Maybe my mom, and I made a mental note to ask her next time I talked to her.
The other day, in the middle of an argument between someone, I took a deep breath, uttered a quick prayer for wisdom to deal with the situation in a Christlike way. A memory washed over me quick and powerful and filled me with emotion. No one had been praying for me. It was the priesthood blessing. I had asked Aaron to give me a blessing after a mini panic attack the night before the last day of school. I knew I needed extra help surviving the summer. I didn't just want to survive. I wanted to enjoy it and make beautiful memories. In the blessing, he said a lot of wonderful and hope-filled words. I remember him speaking of eternal perspective and enjoying the limited summers we have with them in our home.
As I remembered that blessing, I recognized immediately where the blessings were coming from. It brought a new sense of gratitude for a worthy husband and the priesthood power he holds. My testimony of priesthood blessings has grown. There is great power in these blessings given to us by our Heavenly Father through His worthy servants. I don't ask for them enough, and this experience will help me to remember to ask for them more. I need that power promised from our Heavenly Father. Sometimes motherhood can be such a lonely job, but it doesn't need to be.
Last week, about 14 days in to this dreaded vacation, a miracle happened. We were finishing up breakfast. There was milk splattered and cereal smashed on the floor. I looked at the three of them and my heart swelled with love for each of them. A couple days later, they reluctantly, with a bit of grumbling, worked through their list of jobs before pulling out the electronics. I felt a surge of gratitude to be able to spend these moments with them and teach them and love them. I noticed little moments like these here and there. I wondered in awe what was different because certainly their attitudes weren't. I thought that someone must be praying for me. Maybe my mom, and I made a mental note to ask her next time I talked to her.
The other day, in the middle of an argument between someone, I took a deep breath, uttered a quick prayer for wisdom to deal with the situation in a Christlike way. A memory washed over me quick and powerful and filled me with emotion. No one had been praying for me. It was the priesthood blessing. I had asked Aaron to give me a blessing after a mini panic attack the night before the last day of school. I knew I needed extra help surviving the summer. I didn't just want to survive. I wanted to enjoy it and make beautiful memories. In the blessing, he said a lot of wonderful and hope-filled words. I remember him speaking of eternal perspective and enjoying the limited summers we have with them in our home.
As I remembered that blessing, I recognized immediately where the blessings were coming from. It brought a new sense of gratitude for a worthy husband and the priesthood power he holds. My testimony of priesthood blessings has grown. There is great power in these blessings given to us by our Heavenly Father through His worthy servants. I don't ask for them enough, and this experience will help me to remember to ask for them more. I need that power promised from our Heavenly Father. Sometimes motherhood can be such a lonely job, but it doesn't need to be.
Thursday, June 2, 2016
Marriage, An Eternal, Living Thing
This week in our class we read a talk given by Elder Dallin H. Oaks titled "Divorce". There were a few things said about marriage that I really loved.
In speaking of marriage problems he said, "the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation."
This wasn't something on my mind, but every one that's married has marriage problems. It's the nature of the beast. (Marriage can be a beast sometimes, but it's mostly a beauty).
Repentance. Without it, our marriages won't survive. We must recognize our wrongs and seek to do better.
Selfishness. Marriage is all about putting our spouse's needs above our own. It goes against everything the natural man is, but unselfishness is imperative.
Reformation. The definition of reformation is "the act or process of improving something or someone by removing or correcting faults, problems, etc." I find this so fascinating because marriage isn't about reformation of spouse, although sometimes that's what we want to do. It works when there is reformation of ourselves. Marriage is a process in which we see our faults through our own eyes or through the loving input of our spouse, and then we work to remove or correct them.
Elder Oaks said, "under the law of the Lord, a marriage, like a human life, is a precious, living thing. If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again. The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us."
What a beautiful analogy. I am in a mode right now of taking care of my body. I am seeing signs of wear and tear. I don't want it to wear out early. I want to eat the foods that will keep me healthy and I want to exercise to keep my body strong. I want my body to sustain me and do everything I want it to do for every day that I live. The same should be true with our marriages. We need to feed it and take care of it so it lasts, and not just for this life. . . for eternity. It is an eternal, living thing.
One last thought from Elder Oaks. He gave a list, and I love lists. My brain thrives on lists.
"To avoid so-called 'incompatibility'":
Be best friends
Be kind and considerate
Be sensitive to each other's needs
Always seek to make each other happy
Be partners in family finances
Work together to regulate desires for temporal things
I like this list. It's so simple yet so complex, so difficult yet so joyful. President Kimball said it best: "Two individuals approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy marriage which they hope for they must know that marriage . . . means sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction of some personal liberties. It means long, hard economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service burdens, care and worry burdens; but also it means the deepest and sweetest emotions of all."
I agree President Kimball, and I know I don't even understand a fraction of any of it yet.
This wasn't something on my mind, but every one that's married has marriage problems. It's the nature of the beast. (Marriage can be a beast sometimes, but it's mostly a beauty).
Repentance. Without it, our marriages won't survive. We must recognize our wrongs and seek to do better.
Selfishness. Marriage is all about putting our spouse's needs above our own. It goes against everything the natural man is, but unselfishness is imperative.
Reformation. The definition of reformation is "the act or process of improving something or someone by removing or correcting faults, problems, etc." I find this so fascinating because marriage isn't about reformation of spouse, although sometimes that's what we want to do. It works when there is reformation of ourselves. Marriage is a process in which we see our faults through our own eyes or through the loving input of our spouse, and then we work to remove or correct them.
Elder Oaks said, "under the law of the Lord, a marriage, like a human life, is a precious, living thing. If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again. The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us."
What a beautiful analogy. I am in a mode right now of taking care of my body. I am seeing signs of wear and tear. I don't want it to wear out early. I want to eat the foods that will keep me healthy and I want to exercise to keep my body strong. I want my body to sustain me and do everything I want it to do for every day that I live. The same should be true with our marriages. We need to feed it and take care of it so it lasts, and not just for this life. . . for eternity. It is an eternal, living thing.
One last thought from Elder Oaks. He gave a list, and I love lists. My brain thrives on lists.
"To avoid so-called 'incompatibility'":
Be best friends
Be kind and considerate
Be sensitive to each other's needs
Always seek to make each other happy
Be partners in family finances
Work together to regulate desires for temporal things
I like this list. It's so simple yet so complex, so difficult yet so joyful. President Kimball said it best: "Two individuals approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy marriage which they hope for they must know that marriage . . . means sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction of some personal liberties. It means long, hard economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service burdens, care and worry burdens; but also it means the deepest and sweetest emotions of all."
I agree President Kimball, and I know I don't even understand a fraction of any of it yet.
Friday, May 27, 2016
Be Dependable
I heard this quote on Sunday, and I jotted it down because it really spoke to me.
A pet peeve of mine is undependable people. It really irritates me when someone says they will do something and then they don't do it. Why commit to something if you aren't able or aren't willing to follow through? Just say no. I understand we all can be forgetful at times or things happen, but these aren't the instances I'm talking about. I have always considered myself a dependable person. I want people to trust me and know I am good for my word. I'm trying to teach my children this quality. I'm also trying to be patient with those who don't think like me or don't always follow through on what they say they will do.
I liked this quote, and proudly thought, "Yes, I'm dependable. I'm proving that to God, and in turn He is making me into something greater and more capable than I was." And then I applied it to motherhood. Ouch. It made me take a step back and think, "Can my kids depend on me to always greet them cheerfully? Can they depend on me to remember every morning and nighttime prayer and have the patience to participate without rolling my eyes and giving them a "the glare"? Can they depend on me to listen to their stories without losing interest?"
What a blessing families are. It is, sadly, the place where we hurt each other the most, but it is also the place we grow and forgive the most. It is a journey and one that we have to do together. Not one of us can make it on our own. My kids forgive me every single day, and for that I am forever grateful. Together we are learning, growing, becoming better, and becoming more dependable and available...to each other and to Heavenly Father.
Monday, May 16, 2016
New Blog
It's fitting to be starting this blog about families, life, and mostly motherhood this week, right after Mother's Day.
I've created this blog as part of a project for a class I'm taking. I have a love/hate relationship with writing. I struggle with perfectionism in my writing, especially when I know others are going to be reading it. I am tempted to not invite anyone to read this, but that wouldn't be counted as a diligent effort for my project. I hate that it takes me so long to get thoughts out of my brain and onto "paper", but I love what I feel when I go back and read what really is going on in my head. It is fulfilling and validating, and through this process, I realize much about who I am; I find healing and motivation.
I've named this blog Breathe. Pray. Rejoice. I could easily add a "repeat" at the end there. Whatever we do as mothers, we repeat. Over and over and over again. I struggle in that process of repition. As I reflected on what it is that helps me most to keep going each and every day, these three words were brought to my mind: breathe, pray, and rejoice.
Breathe.
Some days I have to remind myself to breath. Some days I breathe too much. Aaron says it sounds a lot like sighing, but really I am just willing breath and patience down deep into my weary soul.
I learned this lesson the hard way just yesterday...and the day before and the day before that. Like I said, repetition is the theme of motherhood. I have lots of regrets, but I am trying to keep them to a minimum. For me, breathing is an essential element to patience.
Prayer.
In Alma 34, Amulek, the loyal friend and missionary companion of Alma the Younger, gives a wonderful sermon on prayer. He gives us a list of things to pray about and then he says, "...when you do not cry unto the Lord, let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those who are around you." In other words, have a prayer in your heart every minute of every day that your kids survive another day and you don't get thrown in jail for beating them. I don't think that's really what he meant, but somedays it's what I pray for.
I truly do have a testimony of prayer. I know that Motherhood is a partnership with God. He wants us to succeed at this noble calling, and He will not leave us alone. These are His children too. We can call upon the great powers of heaven through humble prayer in behalf of our children.
President Harold B. Lee said, "I say to you mothers, if you ever have sons and daughters who amount to what they should in the world, it will be in no small degree due to the fact that your children have a mother who spends many nights on her knees in prayer, praying God that her son, her daughter, will not fail.
Rejoice.
When I was on my mission, every time we would knock doors, I would sing the hymn "Now Let Us Rejoice" in my mind. I have no idea why. I don't remember if it was conscious decision or not, but I chose that song for a fireside recently, and memories of my days as a missionary came back to me as they often do when I hear this tune. As I pondered this, I thought that my mission was much like motherhood. It was repetition and a lot of rejection. It was me pouring my heart and soul into my work with what seemed like not much reciprocation. Maybe somewhere deep in my subconscious, I started singing this song of joy to combat the feelings of discouragement that sometimes came with that difficult work.
I struggle to find joy in motherhood. I have to work for the joy like I'm sure many do. It takes an effort of gratitude. When I start to list my blessings, they aren't hard to think of, they come freely and quickly. I am blessed to be a mother. I am blessed to know what I know and have what I have. Rejoice is a verb, and I feel that we must act to find joy. I used to have a saying in my bathroom that said, "Happiness is not a destination, but a way of getting there." The same could be said of joy. We must rejoice along the journey, and we will find that a lasting, eternal joy will be ours.
I've created this blog as part of a project for a class I'm taking. I have a love/hate relationship with writing. I struggle with perfectionism in my writing, especially when I know others are going to be reading it. I am tempted to not invite anyone to read this, but that wouldn't be counted as a diligent effort for my project. I hate that it takes me so long to get thoughts out of my brain and onto "paper", but I love what I feel when I go back and read what really is going on in my head. It is fulfilling and validating, and through this process, I realize much about who I am; I find healing and motivation.
I've named this blog Breathe. Pray. Rejoice. I could easily add a "repeat" at the end there. Whatever we do as mothers, we repeat. Over and over and over again. I struggle in that process of repition. As I reflected on what it is that helps me most to keep going each and every day, these three words were brought to my mind: breathe, pray, and rejoice.
Breathe.
Some days I have to remind myself to breath. Some days I breathe too much. Aaron says it sounds a lot like sighing, but really I am just willing breath and patience down deep into my weary soul.
I learned this lesson the hard way just yesterday...and the day before and the day before that. Like I said, repetition is the theme of motherhood. I have lots of regrets, but I am trying to keep them to a minimum. For me, breathing is an essential element to patience.
Prayer.
In Alma 34, Amulek, the loyal friend and missionary companion of Alma the Younger, gives a wonderful sermon on prayer. He gives us a list of things to pray about and then he says, "...when you do not cry unto the Lord, let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those who are around you." In other words, have a prayer in your heart every minute of every day that your kids survive another day and you don't get thrown in jail for beating them. I don't think that's really what he meant, but somedays it's what I pray for.
I truly do have a testimony of prayer. I know that Motherhood is a partnership with God. He wants us to succeed at this noble calling, and He will not leave us alone. These are His children too. We can call upon the great powers of heaven through humble prayer in behalf of our children.
President Harold B. Lee said, "I say to you mothers, if you ever have sons and daughters who amount to what they should in the world, it will be in no small degree due to the fact that your children have a mother who spends many nights on her knees in prayer, praying God that her son, her daughter, will not fail.
Rejoice.
When I was on my mission, every time we would knock doors, I would sing the hymn "Now Let Us Rejoice" in my mind. I have no idea why. I don't remember if it was conscious decision or not, but I chose that song for a fireside recently, and memories of my days as a missionary came back to me as they often do when I hear this tune. As I pondered this, I thought that my mission was much like motherhood. It was repetition and a lot of rejection. It was me pouring my heart and soul into my work with what seemed like not much reciprocation. Maybe somewhere deep in my subconscious, I started singing this song of joy to combat the feelings of discouragement that sometimes came with that difficult work.
I struggle to find joy in motherhood. I have to work for the joy like I'm sure many do. It takes an effort of gratitude. When I start to list my blessings, they aren't hard to think of, they come freely and quickly. I am blessed to be a mother. I am blessed to know what I know and have what I have. Rejoice is a verb, and I feel that we must act to find joy. I used to have a saying in my bathroom that said, "Happiness is not a destination, but a way of getting there." The same could be said of joy. We must rejoice along the journey, and we will find that a lasting, eternal joy will be ours.
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